Wanting our children to grow into well-mannered adults is a common wish among parents. Meal time is an important time to help your children develop habits and behaviors that will help them relate to adults and other children in a positive way.
At Primrose schools, children sit down for meals and carry on conversations with their teachers and classmates. We believe this is important because it helps children understand the meaning of sharing a meal and how to interact with others.
I have always found that children learn best when they are involved and expectations are clear. They also need established routines, which allow them opportunities to observe and participate. I never had much success trying to “teach” my children table manners when I made them the primary topic of meal time talk. Experience taught me that if I wanted to insert reminders and demonstrate good table manners, meal times needed to be relaxed and filled with meaningful conversation.
Here are a few tips to help get you started:
1. Start early: Don’t wait until you think your child is “old enough” to learn polite behavior. Just as children learn to crawl before they learn to walk, they also learn manners in stages. Even infants watch parents for rules of expected behavior. Very young children can learn to sign key phrases such as “please” or “thank you” and then transition to the spoken words around age two. By age three, children should be able to stay seated at mealtime if you sit down with them. They love showing off new skills at this age, so it is a perfect time for them to show you how they use forks and spoons correctly. Imitating adults is another favorite activity, and they will want to try cutting. This is best practiced using plastic knives and soft foods like bananas. They can also help set the table and make sure everyone has a place to sit.
2. Give specific feedback: Children learn best when they receive specific feedback about their behavior which is far more effective than generic praise. For example, instead of saying, “Good job,” you can say, “I’m so glad you set the table. I was hungry and your help made it possible for everyone to eat sooner.”
3. Encourage polite conversation: Children as young as two can learn to engage in polite conversation at the dinner table with the right kind of guidance. When you are at the table eating together, show them how you take turns listening, talking and asking questions. Mealtime will be special if you set the expectation that it is a time for everyone to nourish their bodies and enjoy each other’s company.
4. Set a good example: Make sure your words and actions match. Children watch parents all the time for behavior clues. For example, if you want your child to eat broccoli because it’s a healthy food choice, you will need to let them see you enjoy eating it as well.
5. Create a routine: Children learn best from consistency because it helps them know what to expect. They thrive when they know their world is an orderly place. Start with the repetition of a few simple steps such as putting a napkin in your lap when you sit down and waiting until everyone is served before starting to eat. Create a routine that is easy for them to repeat and remember. While they might need gentle reminders, it is something your child can do at home and away that others will respond to positively.
Here are a few books I’ve found to be excellent tools in helping to teach table manners:
• Manners at the Table (Way to be!) by Carrie Finn (ages 4-8)
• Oops, Sorry! A First Book of Manners by Richard Morgan (ages 2-5)
• The Berenstain Bears Forget Their Manners by Stan and Jan Berenstain (ages 4-8)
• Emily’s Everyday Manners by Peggy Post (ages 4 and up)
With the holiday season approaching, often including large family dinners, there is no better time to start. Just remember that meals should be a time for your family to come together and politely discuss the events of the day. I hope these tips and books help you make meal time more meaningful and enjoyable for your family.
